After much strife and hours of head-scratching and editing mod_rewrite rules to the nth degree, I have fixed the fancy URLs. Check them out, they're fancy, right? Anyway, I stuck a Twitter widget on the homepage, courtesy of SitePoint's awesome article. I need to fiddle with it a bit though, it's pretty temperamental, I think it keeps hitting the Twitter API rate limit because I'm on shared hosting.
Shout out to a few other resources that I used and abused like the internet pillager that I am: